stay.

it's 3.10am now. i can't sleep. i don't know why. too much thinking i guess. i haven't been stable for this whole week. my mood has been up and down. today, i feel like i'm useless to you. everything that i do is not right. it's like, i am never right for you. the littlest thing that i do, was never right. what else should i do to satisfy you? to less your burden? u told me that u could be bored if i continue to be this way. the point is, what is it? i should understand you. i am trying here. you should understand me too. you should know i'm fragile by now. it hurts to fix things myself. and not knowing what is wrong with me. i love you so much that i can still stand. patience is what gets me this far. i know that u have been on a cloudy day. somehow, i wanna be there and i wanna understand. but, you just won't let me. i don't know what u really want me to be.
whatever it is, i need you! i don't wanna lose you again!

bertahan.

apa hati patut rasa bila semua benda yang tidak pernah aku mahu terjadi, akhirnya jadi? hati yang rasa tak ada siapa yang tahu. sakitnya. pedihnya. mungkin inilah dugaan yang aku patut terima. aku kena lalui dengan tabah. masa ni lah kesabaran di uji. aku rasa tahap kesabaran aku sgt sgt di uji buat masa sekarang ni. aku xtahu nak ckp dengan siapa dah. dah xboleh nak berfikir. aku faham, kau tertekan. kau sgtsgt tertekan. aku tak salah kan kau. hati ni terlalu cepat tersentuh. aku pun xtahu kenapa. apa pun yang akan terjadi, aku tetap sayangkan kau. i wanna face this obstacles with you. aku tak sanggup tgk kau tanggung sorang. i will always be by your side. i promise. i love you so much!

always you.

Dear,

I still remember the time when we first met
The times we spent together I have never been able to forget
Something inside of me told me it was so right
Because even on the cloudiest days, when I was with you, the sun shone so bright

Then, without warning, you just went away
I could never forget how I felt that day
It felt like my world was crashing down around me
Being without you made it hard to breathe

I moved on and started other relationships
But for some reason it was always you that I missed
No matter how hard I tried, you just couldn't be replaced
My love for you would not be erased

After a while, I saw that no one has ever been able to duplicate
Your laugh, your touch, your smile, your face
The way I felt when I was with you was simply unmatched
To you is where my heart has always been attached

Now we've been reunited and it is once again you and me
The sun is back shining and it seems like it was so meant to be
I can't believe I wasted all that time trying to start something new
Because after all these years, I've realized that it's always been you


p/s : i love you and that's a fact.

what should i feel? to be left for the second time? all those sacrifices that i have gone through? the patience, the pain, the hurt and agony. is all mixed up. i love you so much that i sacrifice every single thing for you. is it not enough? am i not good enough? you should know. you could see how i have been so strong through all these years. you left me once, now you wanna do it again. how long do you want me to wait for you this time?

Just say goodbye. You can say it when you get up from the couch. You can say it at the door. I will say it when you get to your car. I'll scream it as you drive away. -i wrote this for you-

When you have to leave someone you love, someone who makes you feel so entirely and extra complete, it’s as if all the emotional and metaphysical connection becomes all too visceral and you suddenly have to pull yourselves apart from where you were linked, gut to gut. You bleed into your own hands and know that it’s temporary, that the connection that grew from afar will grow in place again before the next time you see each other but it’s hard to think of anything besides the distance for the moment.

you will always be in my heart. i promise.

sudden.

it's 7.oo am in the morning. i can't sleep. i've been crying since midnight. i dunno what happen to me. i've been feeling all low this whole week. i can't control my anger. i speak without thinking. i get mad easily. i'm too sensitive. i'm going back to matrics tomorrow and i am a mess. i don't do my homework, assignments and study at all. sorry to you if i am not being able to control myself. i swear to god it is all beyond my expectations. i am becoming bipolar nowadays. one minute i am absolutely okay and the next i am pissed. i don't understand myself either. i just need you to be with me for this whole week because i am depressed. i am far away from you. i am holding on to all the things that can keep me stronger every single day. i guess i've lost the battle. i can't control my patience. you don't know how bad i miss you. i'm sorry for not listening and understanding what you were saying. i know i've been rude to you and i go against you but i didn't mean any of it. we both got issues. i'm so sorry again. i know i've been so hard on you this week. believe me, i don't want any of it. i don't know what i rebel to actually. i just need to let it out. i hope you would understand but obviously you don't. i don't know if we can make it anymore. maybe you wouldn't wanna be with me. but for the sake of love, please reconsider. i've gone through enough. you have no idea how i deal with all of it. just once, i need you to think and show me what is the meaning of love that i have always wanted from you. maybe i am not the best you have ever had but atleast i wanna be in some place in your heart. i hope we could make it work again, we have been so great together. just i lost my way & i need you to get me back on track. we both have to change and learn. that's all i guess.

i love you so much! ;( & i'm really sorry.

the beginning

every ending has a beginning. my love story starts again. i have always been in love with that person since the first time i know how to love. after all i think you're worth the wait. now i'm happy to have you by my side.

welcome back ;)

i'll keep updating later. XOXO